


Parties Kinda Suck

by raysinbran



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: M/M, Mentions of Sazed ig, Panic Attack, its cool tho, taako feels better after, taako has a breakdown basically
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-16
Updated: 2019-06-16
Packaged: 2020-05-12 15:08:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,091
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19231597
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/raysinbran/pseuds/raysinbran
Summary: Taako has a breakdown in the kitchen.





	Parties Kinda Suck

**Author's Note:**

> first posted fanfic here??? woo  
> kinda short ig but i kinda wrote it within the span of an hour during a car ride and edited a little when i got home so yeah

Taako was at one of Magnus's parties when it happened. 

He had loved cooking ever since he was a teenager (or what he would've been, if he were human.). But it all got ruined, thanks to that bastard Sazed. 

Logically, Taako knew it wasn't his fault what happened - after all, Sazed had meant to poison  _ him _ . But he didn't taste-check the food like he usually did, he thought that since he was feeling a little sick it would've been fine. 

Taako fed poisoned food to forty people in the town of Glamour springs. 

He didn't mean to, he would  _ never _ mean to. As much as he hates admitting it, he would never purposely kill so many people. And even though he didn't put the poison in there, he still fed it to all those people, the blood was still on his hands- 

He couldn't cook today. He'd been getting better but he couldn't cook for his friends today. He did it so often nowadays but the memories haven't been able to get ahold of him so easily. So why-? 

Taako choked back a sob. He couldn't start this. Not now. Not again. He didn't want to go back to hiding from everyone, isolating himself  _ so much _ after the incident happened. He didn't want that to happen again. 

He leaned against the kitchen counter, a hand pressed against his lips. Tears began to streak down his face, dripping onto his shirt. He didn't allow himself to make any noise - no matter how much it hurt, he wouldn't let the others see how much he was still hurting. As much of an asshole he was, he let his friends be happy with themselves and each other. Lup and Barry, of course he didn't want to ruin that, Merle finally let them all know about his kids, and, fuck, Magnus finally moved on from his wife's death! He couldn't ruin that. 

It didn't matter how much he was hurting. He couldn't ruin all of that. 

But, gods. His chest hurt so much it felt like it was going to burst, his rapidly beating heart along with it. Taako kept trying to keep a steady breathing rhythm but it was so hard when he tried to take a breath his first instinct was to start sobbing louder. He felt like he was about to pass out at this point, it hurt so badly and he couldn't stop shaking, and it just- 

Someone walked into the kitchen. 

If it was possible, Taako's panic piled further.  _ No one  _ could see him like this - he was supposed to be strong and nonchalant - he wasn't supposed to care about something  _ that wasn't even his fault  _ \- 

"Taako?" The voice of Kravitz brought him to reality. Kravitz, his dear boyfriend. (who also happened to be a grim reaper, natch. no big deal) "It' been a while, why are you still in here, love?" 

Taako swallowed - what, he wasn't exactly sure. Snot, he guessed? - and wiped away the tears as he spoke. 

"Oh yeah, just kinda been sittin' here, Krav," he hummed, the words he heard didn't sound anything like him. They were an octave higher than usual, even for him, and sounded wobbly. Kravitz made it around island table to find Taako squeezed in his little corner. He frowned, concerned, and Taako couldn't help but feel that little tug of guilt in his heart. 

"Are you feeling alright?" 

He was silent for a moment. It was a dead giveaway but he lied anyway. "Yeah… natch, homie." 

Kravitz gave him that  _ look _ now, when he knew the elf wasn't being truthful. If Taako were to be honest, though, that look always made him feel kind of like jelly, generally in a good way. Not tonight, though, while he loved his Kravitz, all it did was make him feel even more guilty. 

"Taako…" 

"I'm good, Krav. Aint like I got anything to be upset, it's me Taako, y’know, from TV?" He hoped joking would be good, even offered up a weak laugh. Anything to ease that expression on his boyfriend's face. 

"From TV, exactly." His frown deepened. 

"I.." Taako's voice faltered. Maybe it wasn't the best idea to make that joke, especially when it sort of hit the nail on his problem. 

Kravitz's voice took a softer tone. "Is that what you've been thinking about in here?" 

Taako struggled to stand, feeling those tears prick at his eyes. "... Kravitz." 

"What?" he spoke gently, grasping Taako's hands now. 

"... Krav, I killed all those people," Taako finally admitted, his words sounding almost rushed. "I killed all those people, there were kids in the audience, Kravitz. I should've tasted that food, if I had tasted it like usual I would've died like Sazed wanted and all those people wouldn't have to have died so badly and I- I-" 

He made a wheezing sound, his chest tightening up again. Kravitz was hugging him now but he didn't make a move, he just leaned against him. 

"I can't breathe," Taako whispered, his voice high and strained. 

"Taako… I know those people died, "Kravitz began, his voice still gentle and quiet and soft, "but none of them were your fault. You didn't know. You can't be faulted for that. You didn't know, Taako." 

"I know.." Taako took a shuddering breath, his hands gripping the other's shirt. "But I feel so guilty, I, I should've-" 

"It wasn't your fault." Kravitz's voice was firm, but still gentle. 

"... Okay. Yeah. Okay, I can.." He took another breath, deeper and more controlled now. His chest didn't hurt so much. "I can roll with that." 

Kravitz pulled away just enough for Taako to look up at him. "Are you okay now?" 

"Yeah, I just - got too caught up in my head today I guess, my dude," Taako chuckled dryly. "Hey, Krav, what do you feel about going home? I'm kinda craving for some of those cookies I made yesterday." 

"It sounds fine to me. Should you talk to Lup first?" 

There it was - Taako had almost completely forgotten about his twin sister, which came with its own crushing guilt. He nodded, smiling a small bit at Kravitz. 

"Yeah. I'll do that and tell Magnus to get someone else to cook. Maybe he'll actually get off his ass and do it himself." 

As Taako walked to the living room to talk to his sister, he felt okay about what had happened for once, now that he let out his guilt about it. Maybe keeping it all in wasn't the good idea he thought it was.  

**Author's Note:**

> hey whats up homies  
> tell me if yall like it id kill for praise
> 
> edit, from five hours after i posted this: hail and well met my broskies. did i mention criticism is also welcome, i want to get better at writing :0


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